Blog Has Been Moved

This blog has been moved to http://www.raidandpillage.com

I Was Trying To Drown Out The Elevator Music By Reving

Since today is my last day at my job, I thought it would be cool to ride in on a motorcycle. My office is on the 24th floor though, and I ended up passing out on the elevator.

An Open Letter to Super Mario From Yoshi

Dear Mario, I realize that you have a duty to save the princess and I'm here to help you along the way, but I feel I'm not getting enough appreciation. Unlike you, I don't shrink/lose abilities/die when I'm hit by one of those hideous creatures, I just get a little freaked out. You just need to jump back on my back to comfort me a little bit. Don't watch me jump into a hole. Why the hell would you let me run myself into a hole? Do you think I'm doing it intentionally? I'm not. I hate those holes. The only thing worse than you watching me jump into a hole, is when you're dumb enough to jump into the hole yourself, and then you just jump off my back to safety. Don't you feel bad when you see me falling to my death? Is the princess really worth letting me die for? I thought we were friends man. -Yoshi

My Knight + His Queen = Hot Interacial Beastiality Action

When I play chess I make all my pieces act out a soap opera. In my last game, my king was having a secret affair with one of my rooks and my queen was so overcome with grief that she killed herself. Then we killed all the blacks.

Is That a Sand Covered Banana In Your Pocket Or Are You Just... Ugh... Not Again

When you body surf, make sure you don't do it too close to the shore. You might get beached and end up with tons of sand in your bathing suit.

The Newborn Kitten And The Explosives Have Been Placed

I'd like to see Mythbusters attempt to bust the myth that cats have 9 lives.

Oasis - What's the Story Morning Glory Hole

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I'd Fight For the Relaxists

After we win the war on terror, I'd really like to get rid of some other emotions. I think the world would be a better place without any frustrationists or grumpists.

My Fault? Listen Lady, I'm Great On Stairs

I feel bad for my friend's husband because my friend is always falling down the stairs and getting black eyes.

My Subconscious is Retarded

Whenever my stomach rumbles I always think that it's my cell phone vibrating, so I check my pocket to make sure I didn't eat it.

I'll Only Call You a Cab If You Promise To Stop Crying

My dream girl is someone who doesn't decide to quit drinking after they wake up next to me.

In All Honesty, I Do Care.

I bought a car with a lot of head room because I'm a huge fan of waving my hands in the air like I just don't care. I bought a Volvo because I frequently hit other cars.