Snow Sharks

I think snowboarding would be a lot more exciting if there was such a thing as snow sharks.

Surprise Refreshment!

Whenever I sneeze, I like to keep my lips closed. This produces the motorboat effect and my saliva sprays out refreshing those around me.

Stretching Before Exercising

Even though it might kill the mood, you should stretch before having sex. Just make sure you do it before you take off your clothes.

Underwater Operation

Even though it seems like everything is going in slow motion when you're underwater, it's not. The board game Operation is just as difficult, and you get electrocuted whenever you mess up.

Tie Evolution

Ties were invented with the idea that humans would evolve to use them as third arms, much like how elephants have evolved to use their nose-ties.

My Grandma

Sometimes my Grandma tells me jokes that she thinks are really dirty. She always gets really uncomfortable when I pretend to not understand the joke and ask her to explain them in more detail.

New Trend

As a search query: "strapping your toddler to a wolf and then battling him against other toddlers for money" returns around 27,000 results. This obviously makes it a new trend and I think it's disgusting.

Girl on Girl Action

In a rare act of desperation, the female giraffe will sometimes get drunk and make out with another, just as desperate, female giraffe with the goal of getting a male's attention.

Funeral

You can't wear your favorite shirt to a funeral.